The Mustache Rangers Podcast

Comedy | Sci-Fi | Improv

Watch the Ham: Podcast Episode 220

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Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 11:21 — 7.8MB)

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Podcast podcast blah blah blah ham. Listen. November 16th is Give to the Max day in Minnesota. It’s a day to donate to non-profits and to have your donations matched in different ways.

The Mustache Rangers will be raising money for HUGE Improv Theater, our home theater, on November 16th. If you would consider a donation, we would be forever grateful. And any donation made through http://bit.ly/givemustache counts towards are fundraising efforts.

The improv team that raises the most money will receive 6 plane tickets, to get out to different improv festivals across the country.

Only donations on the 16th count towards the goal. If you donate, make sure it is on November 16th.

So, if you have listened to the podcast or have seen our live show, please consider helping HUGE Improv Theater and helping us by donating at http://bit.ly/givemustache. Thank you! Now, enjoy the show!

Toilet paper orientation – Computer-pedia

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(photo by Aaron Landry)

Toilet paper is something you put gross stuff that comes out of your body on. It is made out of trees, like rocking horses. Sometimes it is quilted by little church ladies and sometimes it is made by bears. Do you understand what toilet paper is now? Good. Now on to the “orientation” part of this article.

Toilet paper orientation is an issue created by stand-up comedians. They think that, when locked in a horizontal position, there is a best way for toilet paper to fall. The two options are over the top or down the back. We won’t even get into worm holes being used to solve this “problem.” It isn’t a problem. Who cares?

Do you know how many marriages ended in comedy related observations before stand-up comedians were invented? One percent. And after Einstein invented stand-up comedy? Two percent. That’s double what it used to be!

The proper reaction to someone talking about the correct orientation of toilet paper is to sock them in the teeth. You should be wearing chain mail gloves while doing this. No sense in cutting your knuckles up.

Here are other things that dumb dummies think are issues but are not:

  • Toilet seat position (so toilet obsessed)
  • How toast hits the floor
  • Babies on airplanes
  • Babies in dumpsters
  • Reaganomics
  • How bitches be trippin

Who regrets never having figured out the toilet paper orientation issue on their death bed? Nobody! Instead they’re all, like, “Oh, I’m so mortal. I wish I was a computer.” Chumps.

Whoops a Daisy

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We know, we know! You love you Monday podcast updates. And we love you. But it isn’t going to happen this week. The immeasurably insignificant gravitational pull of aligning planets have caused our crab signs to fight some bulls. Or something. Anyways, there will be a new podcast up next week.

In the meantime, why not check out the new shows that will be going up at the NoisePicnic podcasting network this week? You don’t have to answer “why not.” That was more of just a thing to say. But you can answer it if you like. Why not?

Angry at David Malki: Podcast Episode 219

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Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 14:33 — 10.0MB)

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The Mustache RangersDavid Malki, creator of Wondermark and co-editor of the Machine of Death, lends his vocal talents to this Mustache Rangers comedy podcast. If you have been waiting for an episode filled with yelling, you can stop waiting. It is here to hear!

Water sound effects provided by Benboncan from FreeSound.org.

Cliche: Podcast Episode 218

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A phrase or cliche has a life of its own. Once said, it will either sprout wings and play upon the gentle winds of humanity forever or it will fall to the ground and be crushed like the onion under a mountain.

For example. Do you think “looks like rain today” is a phrase that will live on eternally through the human culture or will it turn to dust the second it leaves your stupid mouth? C’mon! Think of something interesting to say for once, Larry!

The Mustache Rangers discuss cliches in this comedy podcast episode. Share it with your social community, so they don’t think all you have to share are cat pictures.

Manuel Carbonell: Computer-pedia

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Manuel Carbonell, the last of the Cuban Master Sculptors. He was a guy who looked at a piece of wood and said, “That ain’t no wood. I see an eagle or something crazy in there.” And then he used a tooth brush to carve out that crazy thing. Maybe not a toothbrush. Probably a chisel or something. I don’t know.

(photo by Joyce Lowry)

So, anyways, Manuel is still alive. But he’s very old. So hold on to those sculptures. Also, I asked him “don’t you hate Cuba” and he was “no, Cuba is awesome and sexy.” Whatever. I didn’t really care.

When asked what kind of board games Manuel liked, he said Monopoly. That was kind of weird for someone from a communist nation. He might have said CandyLand. Google Translate was kinda iffy on the whole thing. He said “dulces de la tierra.” Sounds like Monopoly, right?

Current sculptures by Manuel look like the ship from Flight of the Navigator, painted black, squished, and stretch. They also sound like Paul Rubens. You have to listen real close though.

So, to wrap up this entry, have you ever seen a bird and you didn’t know what it was? That’s the only time anyone ever uses a bird book. Well, a coaster too. To look up birds and act as a coaster.

Meet the Apple Sisters: Podcast Episode 217

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Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 14:03 — 9.6MB)

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The Apple Sisters join the Mustache Rangers in this very special podcast episode. What happens while guys who speak in an olde tyme way meet up with gals who speak in an olde tyme way? There’s only one way to find out! That’s by using your head holes and listening up.

And make sure to listen to the Apple Sisters on their own podcast at Earwolf.com. Seriously, we shouldn’t even have to tell you that. You should already be doing it.

The Greatest Idea: Podcast Episode 216

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Accepting the quirks in people you spend a lot of time with is a must. Unless you are a prison guard. In which case, guard those prisoners! Quit chatting it up with them! They’re trying to get inside your head!

The Mustache Rangers discuss their quirks in this podcast episode.

Get a Tan: Podcast Episode 215

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Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 11:35 — 7.9MB)

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Gift giving and receiving. What a mess, right? Well, the Mustache Rangers may have just found the solution to gift giving in this comedy-podcast-adventure-asode.

Get a Gold Star: Podcast Episode 214

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Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 11:16 — 7.7MB)

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Accolades and recognizing the importance of your employees are the convoluted topics of the day on this Mustache Rangers podcast episode. Get your best gal, go out, have a nice dinner, driver her home, then drive yourself home, then listen to the podcast.

Are Vein: Podcast Episode 213

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Get rich quick schemes are only good if the schemes are quick. If they are not, then you have yourself a get rich scheme. And if you don’t have the scheme figured out, then you simply get rich. The lesson here is, drop the schemes.

The Mustache Rangers scheme their little hearts and veins out in this comedy podcast adventure.

Get Infected with Scott Sigler: Podcast Episode 212

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Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 17:25 — 12.0MB)

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Mustache Rangers podcastNew York Times bestselling author Scott Sigler joins the Mustache Rangers in this week’s virus filled podcast episode. Do not worry. They are not computer viruses. Just the normal horrible kind of virus.

Follow Scott Sigler on Twitter @ScottSigler, head to his website at ScottSigler.com, and buy his astonishingly well researched scifi horror novels. They are amazing.

Are you still reading this? You should be listening to the podcast.

Yummy Fingers: Podcast Episode 211

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Sometimes we just want to be noticed. That’s why city folks wear overalls, after all. It’s the little quirks that make people say “hey, I like/hate that guy/girl.” And really, isn’t that all we really want/don’t want to hear? The Mustache Rangers figure out their own quirks in this podcast adventure.

After listening to the podcast (at the bottom of the page) feel free to watch the companion video to this episode (above the podcast. Weird, right? Deal with it).

Come Up Shorts: Podcast Episode 210

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Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 9:07 — 6.3MB)

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Teamwork are the orders of the day, as the Mustache Rangers imagine how to become the chief celebrities of an alien race, in this comedy podcast episode. The “comedy” stands for “comedic.”

Do Nothing: Podcast Episode 209

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Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 10:12 — 7.0MB)

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What is more useless than doing nothing? That’s right! Talking about doing nothing. Prepare yourself for the most useless podcast episode to ever exist.