- With all the advancements in technology, you think they would have improved on the shower. But no, sentient slave water is the best we can do.
- You can try all the expensive waxes you like, but nothing beats star lard for styling your mustache.
- This Andromedian Milfoil is getting out of control.
- Universal healthcare is a joke. Why am I paying the medical costs for some bum in the Small Magellanic Cloud?
- You may think being “King of Planet ____” if a big deal, but they’re little more than a bathroom attendant to the Mustache Rangers. Except we don’t tip kings.
- Can’t sleep. Wish the Commander Major hadn’t stored his giant truck full of ventriloquist dummies in my room. And I wish that trunk were not bleeding and pulsating.
- Like the homes of childhood friends, every modern day space ship has a different smell to it. Except for ours. Our smells normal and all the others smell weird. What are their moms cooking?
- Found a cape on the kitchen floor this morning. Feel the Commander Major wants to be found out and confronted about his obsession, but not ready to have that conversation.
- Had that dream about pigeons pecking out my eyes again, except that my eyes were trumpets and the pigeons were Dizzy Gillespie. I think I’m sexually frustrated.
- Nothing worse than a pie in the laundry dryer. Cleaning the lint trap is hell.
- Sometimes I get lonely, but I feel better by realizing that everything everywhere is lonely. Especially trees that aren’t in a forest with their buddies.
- It gets confusing when I say “I’m going for a Space Wok.” Space Wok, please change the name of your establishment.
- Don’t know why I bothered learning to play the piano after they went extinct. This teaching cassette is almost worthless.
- I have switched to decaf, but eating this non-caffeinated toast feels so pointless now.
- My underpants have been bunching for the last few years, but I dare not adjust my self for fear of humiliations and fun makings.
- It isn’t easy being aggressively passive.
- Space laundry always gets put off until you’re out of space socks.
- Quantifying how hungry a wolf is isn’t easy.
- Too many people own audio communication devices. There are some people that nobody wants to talk to.
- The word “tuber” has always rubbed me the wrong way. “Ostrich vegetable” is much better.
- Men should be allowed to wear pantyhose without being given nicknames related to wearing pantyhose.
- A lake is an ocean without ambition.
- When will toothpaste be made to squeeze itself onto my brushing device?
- Working on the height that I can jump to. Hoops that receive balls had best watch out!
Do you hate Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday? I understand. Now you can keep up with the minute to minute happening of the Mustache Rangers with Twitter.
This steam powered bastion of constant communication is all the rage with the dew droppers at Earth events such as South by Southwest and internet. Internet is quite the event, and should be enjoyed.
So enjoy more internet with the Mustache Rangers and Twitter.