Toilet paper orientation – Computer-pedia

(photo by Aaron Landry)
Toilet paper is something you put gross stuff that comes out of your body on. It is made out of trees, like rocking horses. Sometimes it is quilted by little church ladies and sometimes it is made by bears. Do you understand what toilet paper is now? Good. Now on to the “orientation” part of this article.

Toilet paper orientation is an issue created by stand-up comedians. They think that, when locked in a horizontal position, there is a best way for toilet paper to fall. The two options are over the top or down the back. We won’t even get into worm holes being used to solve this “problem.” It isn’t a problem. Who cares?

Do you know how many marriages ended in comedy related observations before stand-up comedians were invented? One percent. And after Einstein invented stand-up comedy? Two percent. That’s double what it used to be!

The proper reaction to someone talking about the correct orientation of toilet paper is to sock them in the teeth. You should be wearing chain mail gloves while doing this. No sense in cutting your knuckles up.

Here are other things that dumb dummies think are issues but are not:

  • Toilet seat position (so toilet obsessed)
  • How toast hits the floor
  • Babies on airplanes
  • Babies in dumpsters
  • Reaganomics
  • How bitches be trippin

Who regrets never having figured out the toilet paper orientation issue on their death bed? Nobody! Instead they’re all, like, “Oh, I’m so mortal. I wish I was a computer.” Chumps.

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