Pop Culture Wars: Podcast Episode 265

Mustache Rangers PodcastA whodunit the likes of which John Grisham only dreamed. Phooneybaum and Bastidious must rack their brains to figure out the culprit in the daring unicorn figurine breakage case. Could it be the butler or the chamber maid? Or perhaps the scorned lover! You’ll have to listen to find out.

P.S. It is neither of those.

Ready, Set, Wang: Podcast Episode 264

Mustache Rangers podcastSome episodes of the Mustache Rangers are great for the whole family. This is not one of them. This is for kids only. No, wait. The other way around. This is specifically not for children. That would have been a mess, huh? Glad we fixed that.

In this episode, Phooneybaum tries to guess what is in the Commander Major’s box. That’s about it. The Mustache Rangers probably had an amazing space adventure directly before or after this episode. No matter. You get to hear box talk. Listen with your side orifices.

Workshopping the Workshop: Episode 263

The Mustache Rangers PodcastWe can all agree that motivational speakers are con artists and that workshops are scams. Unless those speakers or workshop leaders are from the Mustache Rangers. Then you’d be a fool not to pay any price demanded for the charisma and knowledge they provide.

A workshop in its infancy and the wonders of Powerpoint lead the charge in this podcast episode, which takes the listener (you) behind the curtain of a Mustache Rangers brainstorming session. Put the sounds in your side head errors.

Fancy Man: Podcast Episode 262

The Mustache Rangers PodcastWhen a podcast dies, the number of mourners at the funeral is equal to the number of iTunes reviews it has divided by 1,000. The 0.055 people at the Mustache Rangers podcast funeral made for a rather sad celebration, which is why the Mustache Rangers made the decision to give death. The Mustache Rangers are back to entertain and find another 0.150 people to show up at their funeral. Spread the word. Death is a choice!

Fashion, confidence, and twirling are the subjects of this Mustache Rangers podcast episode. Also, an odd fascination with sun dresses. If you have any suggestions for the male equivalent of a sun dress, tell the Mustache Rangers on Twitter at @mustacherangers or on Facebook at http://facebook.com/mustacherangers. Enjoy this podcast with your head pits.

Test Out: Podcast Episode 261

Mustache Rangers PodcastSchool is a very special time in a child’s life. It’s when they really learn how to be embarrassed. You think Uncle Rick tickling you until you wet your pants is shameful? Just wait until you express an individual sense of style!

The Mustache Rangers explore teaching and testing in this podcast episode. Why don’t you share it with your neighbor? Sure, you only accidentally make eye contact with them when you’re both getting your mail at the same time. But they might like the podcast. Take that risk!

Massage: Podcast Episode 260

Mustache Rangers podcastMisogyny and campfires are the main focus of this, the first Mustache Rangers podcast of 2013. We’re sorry we’ve been gone so long, but we were so anxious for Arrested Development to return we couldn’t concentrate.

Did you know that misogyny still exists? And it’s mainly men who are the cause? Mainly manly men. Mainly many manly men. What were we talking about? Listen to the podcast already, and tell your friends.

Give Up On Time Travel: Episode 259

The Mustache Rangers PodcastYou may love time travel movies, but they don’t make any sense. Don’t worry about it. Your brain and the writer’s brain are too dumb to make heads or tails of time travel. It’s the limitation of this biological sponge in our head. You fill a sponge with protein lines and jab it with electricity and expect it to understand the flow and obstruction of time? If you do, then your sponge could use some extra electricity to the front part of the sponge part.

Enjoy this week’s podcast, dummy.

Eat More: Podcast Episode 258

Mustache Rangers PodcastDiet fads come and go as surely as the tides and bell bottoms. You can say “bootcut” but you’re not fooling anybody, the Gap. But getting back to diets, everyone is looking for the quick fix. The superfood or the magic bacteria that will eat your insides, but just enough so that you look pretty and your bowel movements smell like a kitten’s dreams.

We’re here to tell you that the kitten bacteria doesn’t exist. The only way to properly manage your weight is with a calendar of some kind. One that berates you daily. It’ll say things like “how many doughnuts is that now” or “still putting off buying running shoes, huh?” If the calendar is correct about your laziness, you’ll feel bad and maybe make a change. If the calendar is wrong, you can feel better about yourself for being smarter than a calendar. Either way, improvements are made and you’ll start to feel better.

This is for poor people only, of course. For rich people, get someone to stab the fat out of you. We think it’s called “surgery” or “insurgency.” Those words probably mean the same thing, like “flammable” and “inflammable.” So get insurgency already.

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