The Rangers Greet You

The Mustache Rangers SpaceshipFriends and enemies, welcome to the adventures of the Mustache Rangers. Some of you are new and some of you are not.

We are not actually speaking of babies. We are speaking of people who have never been to this website before.

But now that we think of it, babies have, in most cases, never been to our outstanding website.

In which case, we say, welcome babies!

Why not enjoy the FIRST EPISODE of the Mustache Rangers. Again. For the first time. It is meant to be enjoyed and shared.

Also, is that a new bow tie? No? Well, it looks good.

Phooneybaum Phoughts – Entry 55535.6542a4

  • Woke up today to find my socks wet with a green substance. The Commander Major’s snickering is what had awoken me. I have little to no doubts that he is to blame for my sock moistness.
  • Mustache Rangers Central Command has been piping sad songs into our ship for the last 43 hours. Was doing fine until the Commander Major ate my earplugs in a rage. I am now properly sad.
  • Is it weird that I enjoy sitting on a slightly warm toilet seat, given the knowledge that it was just used by somebody else?
  • My hat has now been missing for 490 years.
  • Tell Your Earth Friends

    Have you informed all of your Earth friends about the adventures of the Mustache Rangers? No? You’ll never make Cadet with that attitude!

    Mustache Rangers Central Command commands you to tell at least five of your “friends” about the Mustache Rangers today. While “friends” may be in quotation marks, do not be confused. Imaginary friends do not count as “friends.”

    Co-pod-workers can be “friends.” Family units can be “friends.” Animals can NOT be “friends.”

    It has been decreed! Spread the word and drink your Doc Johnson’s Olde Thyme Elixir!

    The Mustache Rangers: Episode 9

    The Mustache Rangers are pushing, unwillingly, into action today! Can you resist the promise of thrills and spills and pills and drills and fraudulent wills and whiskey stills and an angry Mike Mills? We did not think so. Our suggestion is to give in to your desires. Let them control you. Simply make certain that your desires are not to murder the queen of America. That is an unacceptable desire.

    The Mustache Rangers: Episode 8

    It is eternally springtime in space, which means it is always time to redecorate. Sadly, there are no antique shops in space. An old wagon wheel made into a dart board would be perfect for the room of recreation. What are the Mustache Rangers to do?

    The Mustache Rangers: Episode 7

    The Mustache Rangers have travel far and wide, but never in their 700 years have they come upon something so utterly shocking! Something that makes you want to call up your best girl and marry her, have two kids, and then fall asleep with a bottle of booze in each hand for the next fifty years. Will you be able to handle what the Mustache Rangers have ordered for today’s course of adventure?

    The Mustache Rangers: Episode 6

    When we last left our heroic Mustache Rangers, they had just landed on the planet of Bluton. What historical and/or hideous aliens will the Rangers find on the famous red planet of Bluton? Hold on one second. Wouldn’t the Mustache Rangers be the aliens on a strange new planet? The answer is no. The Mustache Rangers own all planets. Never forget.

    The Mustache Rangers: Episode 5

    Birthdays occur, even in space. You can not hide from them. They will always find you. There is nothing to do but give up and try to enjoy them. Unless you are a Mustache Ranger, as they can never give up. Under penalty of death. Although that would put an end to birthdays. This is a sticky situation, is it not?

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