Tell Your Earth Friends

Have you informed all of your Earth friends about the adventures of the Mustache Rangers? No? You’ll never make Cadet with that attitude!

Mustache Rangers Central Command commands you to tell at least five of your “friends” about the Mustache Rangers today. While “friends” may be in quotation marks, do not be confused. Imaginary friends do not count as “friends.”

Co-pod-workers can be “friends.” Family units can be “friends.” Animals can NOT be “friends.”

It has been decreed! Spread the word and drink your Doc Johnson’s Olde Thyme Elixir!

The Mustache Rangers: Episode 9

The Mustache Rangers are pushing, unwillingly, into action today! Can you resist the promise of thrills and spills and pills and drills and fraudulent wills and whiskey stills and an angry Mike Mills? We did not think so. Our suggestion is to give in to your desires. Let them control you. Simply make certain that your desires are not to murder the queen of America. That is an unacceptable desire.

The Mustache Rangers: Episode 8

It is eternally springtime in space, which means it is always time to redecorate. Sadly, there are no antique shops in space. An old wagon wheel made into a dart board would be perfect for the room of recreation. What are the Mustache Rangers to do?

The Mustache Rangers: Episode 7

The Mustache Rangers have travel far and wide, but never in their 700 years have they come upon something so utterly shocking! Something that makes you want to call up your best girl and marry her, have two kids, and then fall asleep with a bottle of booze in each hand for the next fifty years. Will you be able to handle what the Mustache Rangers have ordered for today’s course of adventure?

The Mustache Rangers: Episode 6

When we last left our heroic Mustache Rangers, they had just landed on the planet of Bluton. What historical and/or hideous aliens will the Rangers find on the famous red planet of Bluton? Hold on one second. Wouldn’t the Mustache Rangers be the aliens on a strange new planet? The answer is no. The Mustache Rangers own all planets. Never forget.

The Mustache Rangers: Episode 5

Birthdays occur, even in space. You can not hide from them. They will always find you. There is nothing to do but give up and try to enjoy them. Unless you are a Mustache Ranger, as they can never give up. Under penalty of death. Although that would put an end to birthdays. This is a sticky situation, is it not?

The Mustache Rangers: Episode 4

The Great Mustache demands very little. When it does demand, it is very specific. We invite you to enjoy a true rarity. A simple glimpse of the Mustache Rangers Code of Conduct. Will you prove yourself worthy of service in the Mustache Rangers or will go run screaming in the opposite direction. Hide in your hooch hole, coward! You are no proper Ranger!

The Mustache Rangers: Episode 3

Stranded! Alone on an unfamiliar planet, the Mustache Rangers must search the barren wasteland for rocket fuel, food, and anything worth claiming for America! Chin up, Rangers. Nothing is hopeless except for those freeloading hobos. America is about hard work, gentlemen, not free rides on the freedom rails!

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