The Mustache Rangers and the Beetrothed: Episode 148

Just another podcast episode where the guys are floating around in their spaceshi….holy crap! They aren’t on the spaceship today? Well butter my bottom and call me Jessica Tandy’s friend Margret.

Enjoy this week’s podcast. We can’t make you. It is only a suggestion.

Sound FX attributes:
By Benboncan (http://www.freesound.org/usersViewSingle.php?id=634166)
By Tito Lahaye (http://www.freesound.org/usersViewSingle.php?id=453534)

Computer-pedia: Old Vanderburgh County Courthouse

Old Vanderburgh County CourthouseThe Old Vanderburgh County Courthouse, often simply called “Old Courty Court,” is a place where old people used to go to talk about boring things but not anymore. It is now a home for vegetarian snakes. Do not be fooled. Vegetarian snakes still bite.

Originally located in Evansville, Indiana, the courthouse was moved to Greece in 3015. The Grecian government had ordered too many vegetarian snakes from Lord Darkness of the Rainbow Nebula for their Special Snake Olympics and they needed a place to store the snakes. Old Courty Court was the obvious choice.

After the courthouse was moved entirely by brown field mice, it was filled with sand and lettuce for the vegetarian snakes. The mice were invited to stay, as thanks for their hard work, but they were too bigoted against snakes to accept the offer and instead decided to drown themselves en masse in the KFC Sea(formerly the Aegean Sea).

The snakes that inhabit Old Courty Court never age, never breed, and never die. This is because the building was placed on a gypsy by the brown field mice. The snakes pray for death, but it never comes. Also, they are always hungry. Also, no one will install cable there because they are creeped out by immortal snakes for some reason.

All snakes ordered from Lord Darkness were thrown out of the Special Snake Olympics due to drug violations.

(Photo by jimmywayne)

Phooneybaum Phoughts: Space-Time 0.29.AXE.333.p

  • With all the advancements in technology, you think they would have improved on the shower. But no, sentient slave water is the best we can do.
  • You can try all the expensive waxes you like, but nothing beats star lard for styling your mustache.
  • This Andromedian Milfoil is getting out of control.
  • Universal healthcare is a joke. Why am I paying the medical costs for some bum in the Small Magellanic Cloud?
  • You may think being “King of Planet ____” if a big deal, but they’re little more than a bathroom attendant to the Mustache Rangers. Except we don’t tip kings.
  • Can’t sleep. Wish the Commander Major hadn’t stored his giant truck full of ventriloquist dummies in my room. And I wish that trunk were not bleeding and pulsating.

The Mustache Rangers Run Away: Episode 147

Sometime the best thing you can do with your problems is to run away from them. Do you believe that? You shouldn’t. You need to break the legs of your problems first, and then run away from them. Really? Modern science, people! You need to break the legs of your problems, destroy all of medical science, and then run away. Can you taste the freedom yet?

The Mustache Rangers have a podcast here for you to listen to. Listen to it.

Important Letters from an Important Commander Major: Sandwich

Dear Lucille,

Today was one of the more challenging days I’d had in quite some time. It seemed like I was getting it from all sides. Nothing I said or did could make anything better to anyone. No one was happy with me. Especially Phooneybaum, and even more especially, Computer. And even more especially than that, the especialliest, was myself. How was I to know that Phooneybaum had special plans for dinner? And how was I to know that the sandwich I made was going to turn out to be way better than the meal of turnips au poive he fussed over for 3 hours. He made it as a surprise, but didn’t tell me so of course I was going to make a sandwich. When you’re hungry, you’re hungry. I shouldn’t be punished for being hungry, should I? Well, I guess I punish people for being hungry. But I’m the Commander Major! That’s my job. My job is not to be punished for hunger. I don’t keep track of my hours of being punished for being hungry and expect to be paid for those hours. That’s ridiculous. And so is Phooneybaum. I changed my mind, I am not NOT happy with myself. I think I deserve another sandwich.

With some love,
THE Commander Major

Computer-pedia: Horse

Special HorseThe horse (animalus overratedus) is a thing with four legs and a head and a tail. It was invented in 5000 BCE by this guy that was real lonely and needed a friend. So he invented a horse, but he gave it too many legs and it ran away. He was real sad, so he made another horse but he put stripes on it so it would know it was his prisoner. That is how the zebra was invented. The zebra kicked him and killed him and then ran away.

Guys figured out how to climb trees in 4001 BCE, and by 4000 BCE they were jumping from trees on to horses. So the horses agreed not to be jerks anymore if people would stop jumping on them. The guys agreed, but kept jumping on horses. The jerk role had switched to guys instead of horses, and guymanity was on its way to greatness.

Guys eventually forgot how smart horses were, and started to use them mainly for jumping into pools from diving boards. One horse, named Clever Hans, knew how to do arithmetic. But when guys figured this out, the other horses were all like “dude, stop doing maths.” Then scientist guys said Hans was stupid and horses were free to get brushed and eat apples and sugar cubes.

Rocket horses eventually replaced the regular horse. Regular horses were made into rocket horse food.

Zebras are still on the lam.

(Photo by falcon1961)