The Mustache Rangers podcast will be taking a short two week intermission. With the avalanche of live shows we have been and will be doing, our time has become a little limited. But do not fret! We will be back on track shortly!

Take this time to listen to older podcasts, share with your friends, and get out to one of our live shows at HUGE Improv Theater.

Thanks for continuing to listen! We probably love you.

(photo by Aaron Landry)

Toilet paper orientation is an issue created by stand-up comedians. They think that, when locked in a horizontal position, there is a best way for toilet paper to fall. The two options are over the top or down the back. We won’t even get into worm holes being used to solve this “problem.” It isn’t a problem. Who cares?

Do you know how many marriages ended in comedy related observations before stand-up comedians were invented? One percent. And after Einstein invented stand-up comedy? Two percent. That’s double what it used to be!

The proper reaction to someone talking about the correct orientation of toilet paper is to sock them in the teeth. You should be wearing chain mail gloves while doing this. No sense in cutting your knuckles up.

Here are other things that dumb dummies think are issues but are not:

• Toilet seat position (so toilet obsessed)
• How toast hits the floor
• Babies on airplanes
• Babies in dumpsters
• Reaganomics
• How bitches be trippin

Who regrets never having figured out the toilet paper orientation issue on their death bed? Nobody! Instead they’re all, like, “Oh, I’m so mortal. I wish I was a computer.” Chumps.

We know, we know! You love you Monday podcast updates. And we love you. But it isn’t going to happen this week. The immeasurably insignificant gravitational pull of aligning planets have caused our crab signs to fight some bulls. Or something. Anyways, there will be a new podcast up next week.

In the meantime, why not check out the new shows that will be going up at the NoisePicnic podcasting network this week? You don’t have to answer “why not.” That was more of just a thing to say. But you can answer it if you like. Why not?

Manuel Carbonell, the last of the Cuban Master Sculptors. He was a guy who looked at a piece of wood and said, “That ain’t no wood. I see an eagle or something crazy in there.” And then he used a tooth brush to carve out that crazy thing. Maybe not a toothbrush. Probably a chisel or something. I don’t know.

(photo by Joyce Lowry)

So, anyways, Manuel is still alive. But he’s very old. So hold on to those sculptures. Also, I asked him “don’t you hate Cuba” and he was “no, Cuba is awesome and sexy.” Whatever. I didn’t really care.

When asked what kind of board games Manuel liked, he said Monopoly. That was kind of weird for someone from a communist nation. He might have said CandyLand. Google Translate was kinda iffy on the whole thing. He said “dulces de la tierra.” Sounds like Monopoly, right?

Current sculptures by Manuel look like the ship from Flight of the Navigator, painted black, squished, and stretch. They also sound like Paul Rubens. You have to listen real close though.

So, to wrap up this entry, have you ever seen a bird and you didn’t know what it was? That’s the only time anyone ever uses a bird book. Well, a coaster too. To look up birds and act as a coaster.

The Mustache Rangers have two more live shows left in this run. They take place on August 18th and 25th at 8pm at HUGE Improv Theater. Tickets are only $5! This might be your last chance to see the Mustache Rangers live this year, so don’t let these shows pass you by!

And we know that not everyone lives in Minnesota. If you live far away, would like to watch the Mustache Rangers, and would like to support HUGE Improv Theater, we have a solution for you. The virtual ticket! For the price of a regular ticket (five dollars!), you will receive access to watch a video of the performance you purchased a virtual ticket for.

A few notes about the virtual ticket. The recording equipment isn’t super fancy. The quality will be somewhere around the quality of our other live videos. You will also receive access to stream the video from a website. The video will not be for download. And, finally, please allow up to a week to receive a link to the video. It will probably be uploaded this weekend, but sometimes space-things happen and need to be space-taken-care-of.

All money goes directly to HUGE Improv Theater. Sure, the Mustache Rangers like money. But we really like having a theater where we can perform. Your virtual ticket will help pay the rent and keep the doors open.

So! If you live close by, get off your butts and see the Mustache Rangers in person! If you live in a far away state, get yourself a virtual ticket and enjoy the show!

The Mustache Rangers have a new podcast! Sort of. This week NoisePicnic, a podcasting network for creative and talented podcasters created by Aric McKeown and Mike Fotis, launched. And one of the featured podcasts is Mustache Rangers Classic!

Mustache Rangers Classic is a new take on the oldest Mustache Rangers episodes. Starting from episode number one, the audio is being cleaned for a more pleasant listening experience. The podcasts will also be re-edited, or edited for the first time, to make them snappier and more fun to listen to.

I know. We all love long awkward pauses. But maybe less will be better. And not “maybe” but “certainly.”

New Mustache Rangers episodes will continue to be published here, but for a trip into the pleasant past you should check out NoisePicnic and Mustache Rangers Classic!

Starting July 7th, the Mustache Rangers live stage show returns to HUGE Improv Theater. Join the Mustache Rangers and special guests Deutschland as they bring you an evening of entertainment for the low price of $5.

But, hold on one second! If one of the six Mustache Rangers shows sells out, the remaining shows are free! So if the July 7th show sells out, then you can see the remaining five shows for the low price of $0.

Pass the news around. The Mustache Rangers would love to put on a free show for you. Get everyone you know to the July 7th show.

8pm. HUGE Improv Theater. Don’t miss it.